Emetophobia
by Lying Monster
Summary: It's nearly 4 AM and something just isn't sitting right in the pit of L's stomach. One-shot. No yaoi. *WARNING: MAY CONTAIN EMETOPHOBIA TRIGGERS. IF YOU SUFFER BADLY FROM THIS CONDITION, PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.


"Ryuzaki, it's nearly four in the morning. Don't you ever sleep, even just a little bit…?," Light asked, staring at the floor and running his hands through his hair in exasperation. Ever since he was placed under suspicion by L of being Kira and then later chained to the quirky insomniac as a result, Light Yagami had quickly learned to covet all the sleep that he could possibly get - whenever he could get it.

The raven-haired detective didn't reply. He simply sat in front of his computer screen, as per usual, with his knees pulled up to his chest.

"Ryuzaki, could you at least move your laptop over to the couch so I can lay down or something…?," Light asked with a slight tone of annoyance as he pressed the palms of his hands into his eye sockets. "I'm exhausted…"

No reply.

Light lifted his head to glance over at the man on the other end of the chain.

"Ryuzaki…?", he repeated, becoming increasingly peeved at the obvious lack of response to his questions. "If you're trying to tell me that you're asleep right now, I'm-"

Just as he was about to snap at the man for blatantly ignoring him, he noticed that something wasn't quite right about the picture before him. Ryuzaki, or L, was always very precise in everything that he did, but on closer inspection Light noticed that he was scrolling up and down the page aimlessly. He appeared to be deeply lost in thought, or perhaps very tired - neither of which would have surprised Light by this point - but neither of which made any sense to him, either. Being chained to someone around the clock caused you to pick up their behavioural patterns; when L was lost in thought, he stacked small objects, and when he was tired, he would either allow himself to fall asleep where he was or retire to his room for the night when all else failed. Something about his current state of being just wasn't right somehow.

Light stood up and walked to L's side, laying a hand gently on the man's shoulder to alert him of his presence there - but as he did so, L flinched. Only then did he notice that L was actually shaking.

"Ryuzaki, what's the matter? Are you alright…?"

Seeing the world's greatest detective exhibiting signs of physical weakness combined with the general lack of response from him was beginning to worry Light, but after a long pause, L spoke.

"I feel strange," he said, in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

Light turned to look at L in the face. His gunmetal eyes were glassy and seemed even more sunken than usual as he stared directly ahead of him, letting his gaze wander away into nothingness. He hadn't even been focusing on his computer screen.

Light pressed a hand to L's forehead, causing him to flinch again, and was slightly surprised by what he found.

"You have a fever, Ryuzaki," Light said seriously. "Maybe you really should get some sleep."

L shook his head hastily, and for the first time in a long time, Light watched him close his eyes.

"I'll be alright," the raven-haired man said somewhat casually, leaning forward and attempting to stand up as he normally would, but he staggered as he tried to maintain his own balance. He appeared weak but seemed to be trying to withhold his composure as much as possible.

"Ryuzaki, do you need…?", Light began to offer his general assistance, but stopped short when L leaned over, propping his hands on his knees to support himself. His mouth was open slightly and his breathing was heavy. After a few shaky breaths and without even bothering to brush the hair away from his face, he angled his head slightly in Light's direction.

"Please get me to the bathroom, Light-kun."

Startled to hear a hint of panic in L's voice, Light quickly took the cue and rushed to L's side, taking one of his arms over his shoulder and leading him slowly to the staircase that led to the higher floors of the building. The nearest bathroom was two floors above them.

"Ryuzaki, it's alright - we'll get you a glass of water, okay…?," Light reasoned, observing L's face carefully as they walked and trying to stay as calm as he could possibly manage - for L's sake, at the very least. L nodded but did not speak, closing his eyes once more as if to focus sharply on something that he was internally thinking about. Light wondered briefly if he should have just bit the bullet and carried the man the rest of the way.

"Are you sure you're alright walking on your-"

Light's words were cut short. They were halfway up the first staircase when L bolted, cupping one hand over his mouth and dragging a very startled Light behind him on the other end of their chain. He did not stop running until they had reached the bathroom, where L stumbled hastily into the farthest and largest stall in the room while unintentionally dragging Light along with him. Within moments, the both of them had collapsed there on the cold tile floor, the eldest of them leaning over the cold porcelain toilet bowl.

"Ryu… zaki…," Light panted, trying to regain his breath after being suddenly dragged up two long flights of stairs without any warning whatsoever. "Is there anything… you need me… to do…?"

L's breath was coming in quick, shallow intakes now, and he didn't reply to Light's offer of assistance. A few moments later, his whole body jerked forward and he dry-wretched.

After a pause, he took a deep breath.

"Please… get-"

His sentence was cut off sharply as he suddenly wretched again, this time bringing up a large splash of vomit as he did so. Light cringed at the sight of it.

"… Watari…," L gulped, barely finishing his sentence before hanging his head weakly over the toilet bowl and falling painfully silent once more. Several pieces of his messy black hair hung down and stuck to his unusually flushed face, shielding his eyes from Light's gaze. Holding his position carefully, the detective reached into the pocket of his jeans, shakily withdrawing a cellphone and dialling a number quickly without even needing to look at it.

"Please tell Watari… to come here," L said quietly, holding the phone out to Light between his thumb and forefinger without moving from his fixed position in front of the toilet.

Light obeyed him without question, taking the phone from him and beginning to wonder how worried he should really be about the situation.

"Watari. It's Ryuzaki, he's suddenly become very ill," Light said as he held L's phone to his ear, trying to hide the evident concern in his voice. "He has requested that you come here as soon as you can; he's not well."

"Understood. I've already verified your exact location and will be there shortly," the man on the other line replied promptly. Watari's calm voice was surprisingly void of alarm and strangely reassuring.

"Thank you, sir," Light replied, and ended the call before placing the phone down next to him on the cold bathroom floor.

"Light…," L mumbled through gritted teeth, "… I'm… I'm sorry."

Light stared at the sickly-looking L who was now leaning into the edge of the toilet for support.

"Sorry for what, Ryuzaki?," Light replied genuinely, confused as to what L could possibly be sorry for in his current condition. "What could you possibly be apologizing to me for at a time like this…?"

"Just… nothing. I'm just sorry," L muttered listlessly. He seemed to be desperately willing himself not to throw up again.

"Ryuzaki, your body is obviously trying to expel something," Light said logically as he observed L's desperate efforts to prevent himself from being violently sick. "You should let it run its course. The sooner it's out of you, the better."

L hung his head even lower, remaining still and silent, and it was then that he fully collapsed.

"Ryuzaki…!," Light exclaimed as he moved forward suddenly to support the weight of L's body as it slumped back. He wasn't unconscious, just incredibly weak, and his whole body shook feverishly as he lay there listlessly in Light's arms.

"I need you to hang on just a little bit longer, alright…? Watari should be here soon, please just hang on," Light pleaded as he stared down into L's grief-stricken eyes, finally allowing a slight panic to wash over him. He didn't quite understand the expression he was seeing in the eyes of the detective, but he didn't question it.

"You have… no idea… Light," L whispered as fear began to leak into the large, sunken windows of his soul. Light was sure he could almost see tears forming there, but he immediately dismissed them as being a side-effect of the physical traumas of being sick. The great detective L simply did not cry; he was required to be exceptionally strong - how could someone so renowned for justice and crime-related case studies still have it in him to succumb to such emotions? And for what purpose, especially now?

Light didn't know what to do, so for lack of anything better, he simply sat still.

A few minutes later, Watari arrived.

"Watari," Light breathed, relieved as he heard the man's footsteps enter the bathroom. "Please help Ryuzaki, I don't know what's wrong with him…"

The elderly man walked calmly to where L leaned his weight weakly into Light's arms, kneeling down to take the position for him. He was holding a glass of water, and after having relieved Light of L's listless, shivering body, he pressed two fingers to L's forehead and held them there for a few moments before withdrawing them again.

"Ryuzaki," Watari spoke calmly and clearly. "Listen to me, boy. You're going to be just fine."

L opened his eyes, staring widely up at Watari with a look of fear so vivid that Light suddenly realized he must have been trying to hide it all this time. But why did Watari seem so calm? Something that scared the world's greatest detective so badly must be considered pretty serious; L was always the one telling others to be calm and look at things objectively and rationally. What was going on…?

Watari took L by his shoulders and lifted him up again to properly face the toilet before pressing the glass of cool water into his hands.

"Light," Watari said, "I need you to know that at this point in time, we have no logical grounds to be extremely concerned. Please try and stay calm."

Light found it hard to believe the words of the elder, but nodded silently and backed himself into the corner of the bathroom stall just to make sure that he wasn't in the way. As confused as he was, he still took comfort in knowing that Watari himself didn't seem all too worried.

L leaned weakly over the toilet once more, breathing heavily as though he might be sick again soon. Watari gripped one of L's shoulders with his right hand as if to reassure him that everything was going to be alright - and sure enough, a few moments later, L threw up again.

Light stared in silent disbelief as L drew back from the toilet after he had finished vomiting, cupping one of his hands over his mouth once again and allowing his whole body to quiver freely - and while his raven hair still hung into his face and shielded his eyes from plain view, Light was able to tell that the quivering was not being caused by the fever this time. L was crying.

Watari squeezed L's shoulder again, remaining silent but still very calm.

"It hasn't happened to him in many years," Watari said quietly after a long pause, "… but ever since he was very young, he has struggled with this demon inside of him."

Light wasn't sure how to respond. _Demon_…?

"Sir, I don't understand," Light said honestly, eyeing L carefully as if he might turn on him in a sudden fit of demonic rage. "What exactly do you mean by 'demon'…?"

Watari was silent for a while, perhaps pondering on the best way to approach or elaborate on the subject, but was interrupted again by L lurching forward to be sick yet again.

"W-Watari," L gulped as he continued to let his head hang weakly over the cold white bowl. His face was now streaked with tears and his breathing had become even more irregular with the sobs.

Unable to see L in such anguish any longer, the elderly man took the young detective into a warm embrace. The image before Light's eyes was not unlike that of a father desperately attempting to comfort his frightened son; L's long, shaking fingers gripped Watari's sleeve and he hid his face into the man's shoulder while his own shoulders shook with heavy, quivering sobs. Watari held the frightened man to his chest, rubbing his back gently as he tried to calm him.

The sickness seemed to have melted into a full-fledged anxiety attack.

"Light-kun," Watari said as he continued to hold L close to him, "… I think it's about time that you be informed, and I'm sure Ryuzaki will be fine with me discussing the information that I'm about to disclose to you only because you happened to be here when this event took place. Normally this would not have been discussed with anyone, so please keep that in mind."

Light nodded quickly as his gaze darted from Watari to L and back again. He was still very confused but eager nonetheless to hear what Watari was about to say to him.

After a long pause, Watari finally spoke.

"L suffers from a phobic condition known as 'emetophobia'… and has ever since he was very young."

Light stared at the man blankly.

"Em… etophobia…?," he repeated slowly, unintentionally forming the word into a question. He had never heard the term before in his life.

"Yes, Light," Watari continued. "It is otherwise known as an intense, irrational fear of - or pertaining to - vomiting."

Light quickly suppressed the inclination to laugh. Was this guy being serious…? He wanted to believe otherwise, but Watari's face remained grave.

"It has been one obstacle that L has found nearly impossible to overcome over the years, at least completely," Watari explained seriously. "No amount of logic or reasoning has been able to correct the false stimulus response in his brain. As a result, he fears being sick more than an ordinary human being should; he hasn't been sick in years. You may have noticed his odd eating habits or his slight inclination to refuse touching anything using the full extent of his hand. This is all part of it."

Light froze. The strange eating habits, the way he wipes his hands with a sanitary cloth after having touched the hand of someone else, the delicate way he holds almost every object - this…? This was all part of some strange irrational fear?

"But," Light replied, "… the excessive amount of sweets - wouldn't that lower an immune system? And a general lack of sleep couldn't be too healthy, either…"

Watari nodded.

"Even I don't understand it fully, Yagami-kun," the elderly man admitted, "… but such are the ways of a phobia. Ryuzaki has personal reasons for everything he does - some of them relate directly to this fear, and others do not - but I assure you that this fear is a very real part of him, and I've grown to respect it as such over the years. I've learned that understanding him isn't my first priority, but rather, it is to understand that we all possess the ability to fear inside of us - and in the way of fear, we are all the same. Within that concept comes all the understanding that is needed. I do not seek to understand, but simply to provide a listening ear or a comforting hand in a time of need such as this one. That is really all that can be done."

Light noticed L's fingers grip Watari's arm tighter. He was at a loss for words. Realization had hit him suddenly as he pondered on all that Watari had just said.

L had an eating disorder. His thin frame, sunken eyes and awful eating habits were all evident of this fact. Light had no idea that L's eating oddities were the direct result of a phobia, but in the strangest way, he supposed it made sense. Perhaps L was afraid to eat anything that wasn't sweet for fear that if it came back up again, it would leave an exceptionally unpleasant taste in his mouth - and perhaps L was afraid to sleep regularly because of a series of nightmares not only pertaining to the tragedies he'd seen as a detective, but to this strange fear that lived animately inside of him. Light couldn't empathize, but looking at the signs allowed him to view it all in a considerably different light than he'd been able to before. He'd always seen the man as being strange since the moment he'd first seen him at To-Oh University, and this took everything to a different level entirely - however, as odd and unusual as it was, he still couldn't help but feel sorrow for the detective as he internally observed the lengths the man must put himself through every day to avoid facing this fear as much as humanly possible while still continuing to function normally as the worldwide legend that he was.

Deciding quickly that he had nothing intelligent to say in response to this newly gained information, Light simply fell silent and observed the scene before him.

"Ryuzaki, I believe you have come down with the flu," Watari said calmly as he gently pulled away from L's grip in order to look him in the eyes, "… but you're going to be just fine. I had suspected this would come sooner or later, to be honest with you - you haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks. An exhausted body is an exhausted immune system."

L nodded weakly before breaking his gaze with the man and turning his attention back to the toilet just in case.

Watari removed his jacket and wrapped it around L's shoulders.

"I will stay here with you all night if you prefer me to," the elderly man said gently as he put one hand on L's shoulder once again. "You know I've never left you at a time like this, and as always, it will never matter to me how old you are when these things happen. If you need me, I'll be here."

The hours passed. It was a long time before L felt comfortable enough to slightly distance himself from the toilet and curl up next to Watari who had positioned himself against the wall next to where Light was sitting. Watari stroked the great detective's hair gently as he laid his head in the elder's lap, clearly exhausted from having thrown up so many times. If Light hadn't known any better, he might have guessed that L was ten years old again just by looking at the scenario before him - but he couldn't help but smile as he observed the elderly man's paternal love for the atypical detective that now lay quietly next to the only father figure he had ever known.

And just like that, the tables had been turned. Light Yagami and the man known as Watari stayed awake that night and kept a close eye on things while for the first time in a very long time, L slept.

* * *

><p><em><strong>"Fear makes us feel our humanity."<br>**__**-Benjamin Disraeli**_


End file.
